Wednesday, October 19, 2011


Hi. Its been awhile, i know. Probably the best explaination for the long disappearance is that i just didnt feel like blogging. I had a 4-week vacation from school and now that i'm back in school, i feel like there's more to blog about. I spent my vacation going for driving lessons and spending quality time catching up with my favourite tv shows and some time with my friends too.

I havent been in the right state of mind lately, like something's missing. I know its not the best idea to share it on the internet for the whole world to read, but i'll do it anyways cause i need to get it out of my system. The remainder of this post has nothing to with beauty and all those jazz that i usually post about. Its about me. Its about life, love and everything.

I've been trying to come up with the right words to sum up what i'm feeling but unfortunately failed. But i found someone's words/post to be exactly what i wanted to say and what i feel. I've followed her beauty blog for awhile now and i found her personal blog as well. And the things she writes explains exactly what im feeling, like i'm not the only one feeling this way.

Her post goes like this..

I’m not going to lie. Sometimes I kind of wonder what it’s like again. Holding someone’s hand, getting a phone call every night and not even remembering what being sad feels like, getting butterflies every time you see him from a distance. Yeah, I guess I do. Sometimes I think I kind of forgot what it’s like though. I reckon I’d be pretty bad. I can’t let myself love someone stupidly, love like I’ve never gotten hurt. I don’t think I can. Maybe I’ve put up so many walls just to make God believe that I don’t want someone when in actuality, all i really want is someone. I never get anything that I truly want. Life was created unfair like that and maybe if God sees that I don’t want anything to do with anyone, He’ll just give me one. I don’t think I can trick God though, I reckon He’s pretty smart.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. Life is pretty all over the place right now, I don’t think anyone would want to be part of it. I don’t want to trouble them anyway. But in all seriousness, sometimes I get mad at myself. Not mad that I’m not head over heels about someone. I kinda like the ability to breathe. I have this saying. When you don’t like someone, you can stare at a tree and think it’s a tree and nothing else. Because when you do like someone, you stare into space thinking about that somebody and when you look at the tree, it’s not a tree anymore. It’s whatever you’re thinking of because the people you like take over your mind. It blurs your perceptions, your views and the way you see the world around you. That’s what I hate. It torments me, it makes me feel like I need to be somebody else. Why is it that I always have to change to suit whoever I’m after, do they do any work at all? Silly thought.

Quoted from

Her beauty blog:

I feel the exact way too. Its crazy, i know.

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